BACKGROUND:  The classic movie "The Wizard of Oz" has
             recently been re-released here in the U.S.
 
 
            The Top 12 Changes in the New "Wizard of Oz"
 
  12 Scarecrow, Tinman and Cowardly Lion now referred to as the
      "PETA-Approved Crow-Frightening Person of Straw", the
      "Non Gender Specific Recycled Metallic American", and
      the "Assertiveness-Challenged Feline."
 
  11 "Wicked Witch of the West" replaced by
      "Misguided Independent Counsel of the Beltway"
 
  10 Restored scene in which Jabba the Hutt advises Dorothy
      not to dump the ruby slippers at the first sign of monkey
      bat attack.
 
   9 Dorothy clicks her heels and says, "There's no place like
      the mall."
 
   8 Victim of a careless oversight in 1939, Bob Dole is finally
      credited for his role as "Elderly Farm Hand #2."
 
   7 "Come with us to the Emerald City!  I'm sure the Wizard can
      help you find the real killers!"
 
   6 Dorothy wakes up in rehab and swears she'll lay off the
      stuff forever.
 
   5 Through the magic of special effects, all munchkins now
      played by Danny DeVito, Gary Coleman and Michael J. Fox.
 
   4 Then: "Poppies!  Poppies!  Poppies!"
      Now: "Dude, I can't find a vein!"
 
   3 Vanilla Dot and little T-Dogg barely survive the drive-by
      from the Munchkrips.
 
   2 "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THAT INTERN!!!"
 
 
      and Top5's Number 1 Change in the New "Wizard of Oz"...
 
 
   1 Tin Man axes Toto after hearing "Yo quiero Taco Bell"
      for the zillionth time.
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