"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
--Oscar Wilde
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
--???
 
 
 

 In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have
 indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to
 Germany.

 She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the
 local schoolmaster.  She was concerned as to whether the guest
 house contained a WC.  In England, a bathroom is commonly
 called a WC which stands for water closet.  She wrote the
 schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.

 The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest
 if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
 meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to
 know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a
 bathroom never entered their minds.  So the schoolmaster
 wrote the following reply:

 Dear Madam,

 I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9
 miles from the house.  It is located in the middle of a grove of
 pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds.  It is capable of
 holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.  As
 there are many people expected in the summer months, I
 suggest you arrive early.  There is, however, plenty of standing
 room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in
 the habit of going regularly.

 It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was
 married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband.
 It was a wonderful event.  There were 10 people in every seat.
 It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces.  My
 wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently.  It has been
 almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

 You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch
 and make a day of it.  Others prefer to wait till the last
 minute and arrive just in time!  I would recommend your
 ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ
 accompaniment.  The acoustics are excellent and even the most
 delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.  The newest addition
 is a bell which rings every time a person enters.  We are
 holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel
 it is long needed.

 I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in
 a place where you can be seen by all.

 With deepest regards,

 The Schoolmaster

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