Below are some of the things I am working on as a result of my last
 Self-esteem workshop...
 
 HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF:
  1.  Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch
  paper, 99 copies.
 
  2.  In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
 
  3.  Specify that your drive-through order is "TO GO."
 
  4.  If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
  while talking to others.
 
  5.  Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
 
  6.  Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
  weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
 
  7.  Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
 
  8.  Practice making fax and modem noises.
 
  9.  Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc"
  them to your boss.
 
  10.  Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
 
  11.  Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
  prophesy."
 
  12.  Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
  your ears and grimacing.
 
  13.  Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
  across the room.
 
  14.  Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
 
  15.  Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
  and insist to others that you "like it that way."
 
  16.  Staple papers in the middle of the page.
 
  17.  Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking
  noise.
 
  18.  Honk and wave to strangers.
 
  19.  Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
  complimentary mints by the cash register.
 
  20.  TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
 
  21.  type only in lowercase.
 
  22.  dont use any punctuation either
 
  23.  Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
  streets.
 
  24.  Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
  that?"   "What?"    "Never mind, it's gone now."
 
  25.  As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
 
  26.  Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom
  of your chin.  When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed
  it up," and repeat.
 
  27.  Ask people what gender they are.
 
  28.  While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
  parakeet.
 
  29.  Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to
  see if they slow down.
 
  30.  Sing along at the opera.
 
  31.  Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
 
  32.  Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
  their answers in a notebook.  Mutter something about
  "psychological profiles."
 
  33.  Forward their own jokes back to them.... ;)