Below are some of the things I am working on as a result of my
last
Self-esteem workshop...
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF:
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark
17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual
favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with
your pen
while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running
in all
weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what
YOU think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers
and "cc"
them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance
with
prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your
hands over
your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink
cartridge
across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people
are green,
and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make
a croaking
noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat
their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
whole
streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do
you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's
gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on
the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I
messed
it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your
head like a
parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing
cars to
see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't
rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then
scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about
"psychological profiles."
33. Forward their own jokes back to them.... ;)