Label Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race
is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. Details inside."

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap."

On some Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of
box): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body."

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a
car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."

*******

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the main
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk
to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy
home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk
with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss,
the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with
an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it
was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message
with the person who should be there watching over the
child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss
asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A
policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his
employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the
policeman"? "No, he's busy," whispered the
child. "Busy doing what?", asked the boss. "Talking to
Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard
what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on
the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A
hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is
going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an
awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search
team just landed the hello-copper" Alarmed, concerned
and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they searching for?" Still
whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle: "Me"

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