Brussels, 2 Dec. 1998 -- The European Commission has just reached an
agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European
Union rather than German, which was the alternate possibility. As part
of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling needed improvement, and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan
that would be known as "Euro-English."  In the first year, 's' will
replace the soft 'c.'
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard
'c' will be dropped in favor of 'k.'  This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with 'f.' This will make words like
'fotograf' 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible
mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and should go away.
By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z,' and 'w' viz 'v.' During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl rtn styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis, and everiun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.
Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!
Ober and ut!