Ski season is almost here!!  Hence, the following is a list of
  exercises to prepare for it:
 
  1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer
  for a half an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
 
  2. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
 
  3. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
  before you go to bed each night.
 
  4. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
  lenses.
 
  5. Throw away a hundred dollar bill -- now.
 
  6. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
  ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend
  you are looking for your car.   Sporadically drop things.
 
  7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with
  crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
 
  8. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
 
  9. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run
  into you at high speed.
 
  10. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger.  Be
  sure you are in the longest line.
 
  11. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a
  motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
 
  12. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
  snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
 
  13. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray
  blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it
  drip into your clothes.
 
  14. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take
  them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
 
  15. Slam your thumb in a car door.  Don't go see a doctor.
 
  16. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time
  for the real thing!