Quotable Quotes
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        I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him
        in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.  --Shirley
        Temple
 
        If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would
        probably be Labor Day Weekend.  --Doug Lars
 
        A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
        don't need it.  --Bob Hope
 
        I know that there are people in this world who do not love their
        fellow man, and I hate people like that!  --Tom Lehrer
 
        I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then
        I thought: What good would that do?  --Ronnie Shakes
 
        It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both
        incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
        dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.  --Rod Serling
 
        Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving
        birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.  --Sam Levenson
        (1911-1980)
 
        Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor
        well-done.  --Ernie Kovacs
 
        Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your
        friends, they will certainly not attend yours.  --H.L. Mencken
 
        A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells
        us the truth about its author.  --G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
 
        Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States,
        unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter
        bullet.  --Dave Barry
 
        This isn't right. It isn't even wrong.  --Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper
        submitted by a physicist colleague
 
        Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and
        the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than
        money.  --Joey Bishop
 
        The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
        --Franklin P. Jones
 
        Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD
        for you.  --Tommy Smothers
 
        When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of
        twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
        --Norm Crosby
 
        The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends
        thought I didn't exist.  --Aaron Machado
 
        I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit
        going to those places.  --Henny Youngman
 
        The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can
        be the designated driver.  --Jay Leno
 
        It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win
        or lose.  --Darrin Weinberg
 
        Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in
        which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.  --Fran
        Lebowitz
 
        A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
        coffin.  --H.L. Mencken
 
        It ain't so much the things you don't know that get you in trouble.
        It's the things you know that just ain't so.  --Artimus Ward,
        1834-1867