FW: Top5 - 10/22/99 - New Features in Windows 2000

The Top 14 New Features in Windows 2000


14 With optional metal probe, Microsoft's "Explorer" now 
explores more than just web sites.

13 Recycle Bin inexplicably replaced with an angry monkey.

12 Built-in Excel macro calculates *exactly* how many times 
Bill Gates can buy your sorry ass.

11 Calls your mother every time you log into porn sites.

10 Now incompatible with *all* hardware and software, instead
of just the ones that I buy.

9 Crumple zones!

8 New "No Monopoly To See Here" background featuring a 
scrolling "Gee you're looking very lovely today, Ms. Reno" 
message and a dewy-eyed Bill Gates cursor.

7 Helpfully locates and destroys all non-Microsoft software
on your computer.

6 Whenever going to www.netscape.com, sound card plays
"I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave."

5 Final installation screen displays the message:  "Thank 
you for upgrading to Windows 2000.  Windows will now 
restart your machine and render your programs useless."

4 First 3,500 customers to purchase Windows 2000 receive 12
free hours of antitrust litigation from Microsoft lawyers!

3 Crashes *twice* as fast as Windows 98!

2 New "Gatesland, Gatesland uber alles" welcome screen.

1 Free technical support until 1901!