Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments
are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.
First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen
on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy
being tortured with fire.
The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has a really old guy
chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.
The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.
The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says
"okay, you can stop now.? You've been relieved".
 
 

A Virgin
 A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally
 she agrees to go out with him.  He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys
 her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls
over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's
 getting pretty excited.  He starts to reach under her skirt and she
 stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.
"Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"
 "EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!" she screams.  "I'm not putting that thing in
my mouth!"
 He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"
 "I've never done that," she says.  "What do I have to do?"
 "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake
 up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"  She nods.  "Well,
 it's just like that."
 So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.  A
 few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close,
 snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he
 screams out in pain.
 "What's wrong?!" she cries out.
 "TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!"
 
 
 
 
 

Summer Camps
 

Here's a list of summer camps you may NOT want to send your kids to:

  Tommy Lee's................Camp Kickachick
  Monica Lewinsky's..........Camp Suckaweewee
  President Clinton's........Camp Getahoochie
  Kenneth Starr's.............Camp Catchacrook
  O.J. Simpson's.............Camp Killachick
  Lorena Bobbit's............Camp Cutaweewee
  Tonya Harding's............Camp Clubaknee
  Susan Smith's..............Camp Blameabrotha
  Pamela Lee's...............Camp Lottatatas
  Michael Jackson's..........Camp Wannabewhitey
  Louis Farakahn's...........Camp Killawhitey
 
 
 
 

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th
 hole.
 He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the
 side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this
 little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying
 right beside him.
 "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
 Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and
square.
 I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
 The man says, "I can't take anything from you. I'm just glad I didn't
 hurt you too badly," and walks away.
 Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says, "Well, he was a nice
 enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him.
I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited
 money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
 Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the
 same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up
 and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he
 finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The
 leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
 The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
 The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your
money is holding out?"
 The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my
 hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill."
 The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask
how your  sex life is?"
 The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or
 twice a week."
 The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?!?" The
 golfer looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic
 priest in a small parish."