- -Don't sweat the petty things and Don't pet the sweaty things.

 - -One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

 - -If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

 - -Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

 - -I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help
 section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

 - -Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

 - -If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

 - -And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

 - -If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no
 woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

 - -If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it
considered a hostage situation?

 - -Is there another word for synonym?

 - -Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

 - -Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

 - -What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?

 - -If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
 - -Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

 - -Why do the lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they worried someone will
clean them?

 - -Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?

 - -Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

 - -If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

 - -Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?

 - -Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

 - -Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 - -Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

 - -What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?