The Latest Mergers
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PARIS, Nov. 14 (Agence France-Presse) -- In what is thought to be the
biggest merger of all time, Men and Women have agreed to join forces into
one sex, to be  called Humanicorp.

The details of the arrangement are still being hammered out, but early
negotiations have  Men taking breasts. Women have agreed in principle to
watch ESPN but have refused  to give up self-respect. There are also
serious antitrust issues that will need to be  resolved.

A spokesman for Men, Bob, said that Men had been trying for years to merge
with   Women and that this was the culmination of a long-held dream for
them. Women were  unavailable for comment.

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ROME, May 30, 2305 (Religious News Service) -- After several eons of
discord and  competition for the souls of Humanicorp, God and Satan have
decided to merge in a  deal that will join heaven and hell.

"Some say I've made a deal with the Devil," said God, who appeared
simultaneously on  CNN, Fox News, the major networks and all radios and
personal computers, as well  as in the sky. "But I prefer to think of this
as two former adversaries setting aside  differences for the good of
consumers."

Those close to the delicate negotiations said that God would be chairman of
the  combined company and that Satan would hold the post of president.

Merger talks broke off several centuries ago, in part because the
executives could not  reach an agreement on who would run a combined company.

Reminded of his famous rebuff of God at that time, "Better to reign in hell
than serve  in heaven," Satan joked, "I take it back."

Satan's old organization, whose name is Legion, does not plan any layoffs.