Jewish Vocabulary
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Just as the Eskimos have 27 words for snow, Jews have 31 words
for neurotic.

Only those fluent in Hebonics will sense when to call someone
mashugana, ts'mished, furdrehet, hot nisht ein kaup, or vaist nisht vus
vus ehr reht..... Here are a few words to get you started.

1.  "Sch--", as a prefix to anything, suggests disapproval:  "Cadillac
schmadillac, you're suddenly too good for the Lincoln?"

2.  Learning to pronounce "sch" properly is the first step in speaking
Hebonics like a real Jew.  Nothing makes us giggle harder than the
sound of Gentiles say, "It's not raining, just spritzing." It's the same
"ssshhh" sound as the prompt to be quiet.

3.  Schmuck--Most commonly used as "jerk" (literal translation is penis),
but can also be used as a "sucker," as in , "Why am I always the
scmuck who gets left with the check?"

4.  Schmoe--See schmuck.

5.  Schmata--Rag (ugly dress), as in, "Why does she wear
 those schmatas, that Esther?"

6.  Schmaltz--Literally means chicken fat, but when used in
conversation it's sappy or corny.  "The movie was OK, but why such
a schmaltzy ending?"

Just because Jews are asking questions, doesn't mean they're going to
wait around for an answer.  If you've got something to say, speak up.
Jump right in there with a hearty, "What, are you crazed?  That's not the
way to fix a leaky faucet!"  (You will never use this phrase, however,
since Jews do not do home or car repairs.)

Interrupt often.  It shows that you are interested in the conversation.
If you're talking and Jews don't interrupt, they're very bored.

Practice Question:
You're on the freeway, when a sports car speeds past you, weaves
between cars and drives recklessly.  Your Jewish passenger asks, "Who
gave that maniac a driver's license?"
....Wrong answer:....  "In the 1950s, the United States
 made an economic decision to encourage automobile ownership over
public transportation to support the automotive industry which created jobs
and stimulated the economy.  Ever since, most anyone can get a driver's
license." ....Correct answer: "Those government schmucks."

Gentiles can also profit from learning the nuances of Hebonics.When
shopping in the garment district, a Jewish shop owner may seem insulted
at your low ball offer on merchandise.  He may shout, "What, I'm the schmuck
who shouldn't feed his own children?"  The untrained Gentile simply
cannot translate this phrase to its true meaning, "Let the negotiations
begin."