1. A tomato

2. A donkey

3. A shovel

4. A fish

5. A Star of David
 

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least
three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it
brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to
study the symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they
had decided was the meaning of the markings. The president of their society
stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a
tomato. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew
how to grow things to eat. To prove this statement you can see the next
drawing resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals
help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort,
which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their
high intelligence is the fish which means that had a famine hit the earth
whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last
symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently
Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the president smiled and said,
"I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."

Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite
simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to
right, but from right to left. Now, if you look again. It says, 'HOLY
MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT TOMATO.'"