A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was    looking to score big with his date on a Friday night.
 Determined    to put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount    Lemmon which overlooked the city of Tucson. They walked to an    open knoll where they could see the city lights. Overcome by the    romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down,    made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.

    The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of    thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first    few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred    remains of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of    electrical activity during the warm desert nights. With a    blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the    knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought   the    path of least resistance --- straight down! Incredibly, he survived,    but was in excruciating pain.

    The heat of the lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that    the lovers were now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl,    unfortunately, did NOT survive the lightning strike! When the   student    looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she    was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her,    which of course, he couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him    vomit into the girl's face and open mouth! Heaving only caused more    pain and repeated vomiting until he finally passed out.

    Attracted by the smell of "food," a bear found its way to    the Siamese lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo    wings from the dead girl's face. The student came to, but when    he saw the bear, there was little he could do but lay there silently    in fear. To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a    lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones    only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping    the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.

    Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a    fun weekend camp-out, arrived at the campsite where the pre-med    student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes before    three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained    consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag    himself and the    partially-eaten girl about 20-feet. Doctors managed to    "successfully" separate the student from the corpse, but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid state.
 The    first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain, that the student was   unable---and    unwilling---to achieve an erection. Future surgeries may produce a    reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family jewels,   referred    to by the    doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.

    Although most Darwin Awards are supposed to be won posthumously,    we think this guy deserves consideration since he    successfully removed himself from the gene pool.