The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual
students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:
 
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
 
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
 
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
 
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
 
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
 
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
like Delilah.
 
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
 
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
 
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
 
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
amendments.
 
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
 
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
 
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
 
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
 
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
 
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.
 
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
 
He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in
Biblical times.
 
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
 
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.
 
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus
in the manager.
 
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
 
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
 
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before they do one to you.
 
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
 
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
 
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
 
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
 
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
 
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony, which
is another name for marriage.
 
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.