You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and
an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football
team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least
you need a beer.

--Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will
teach you to keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol
Than alcohol has taken out of me.

--Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

--Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

--Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the
decency to thank her.

--W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;
--His reply, Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;  Sir, you're drunk!
Yes, Madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober and
you will still be ugly.

--If God had not intended us to drink beer, He would not have
given us stomachs.

--David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

--Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza.

--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few
drinks behind.

--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it
from urine.

--David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of
beer; they just like to pee alot.

--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the
world.

--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet
beer.

--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no
way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

--George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

--Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with fools.

--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without
holding on.

--Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like
me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing
you with beer.

--Homer Simpson