Sorry About Your Smoke Detector


I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen.
The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran 
into the kitchen and checked everything out.  By the time I got to the
kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke. 

I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute.
I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that took
a few minutes to reset itself.  I kept watching my movie , and about 10
minutes later I was really getting pissed off that the beeping continued.
I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went
back to the movie.

The beeping continued.

Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could
hold a charge after the batteries were removed.  About 20 minutes later,
I was really getting pissed because I could still hear the beeping.  And
I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the
fucking speaker off the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter.

I sat back down and heard "beep".

Now I was fucking fuming.  I listened to that fucking "beep" about three
more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving shit
out of your fucking smoke detector on the counter (while I was pounding I
heard "beep").  It was really getting me mad.  I sat back down and resumed
the movie and sure enough "beep".  I had the wire cutters in my hand and I
went out (curious to see what the hell could still be running it) and cut 
all the little parts into pieces, and put half into a little plastic 
container and left half on the counter.  I took half the parts over to the
living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I 
left on the counter knowing it would be them. 

In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep.  So I took them into the
living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself
"the fucking part that beeps, will get smashed"  Not three seconds later,
the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen beeped.  I was
furious.  I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is posessed).  I
brought all the parts into the living room and layed them out on the coffee
table.  I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I
could smash the shit out of it.  

All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen.  I
walked out there, all freaked out.  I just waited.. and waited.. it seemed
like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifing "beep"
coming from your jacket.  I looked in the jacket and it was your beeper
that you had left at home by accident.  All I could do was take my hammer
and beat the ever-loving shit out of your beeper because I was the one who
paged you.  {sorry}